


Save Myself

by TrashDog



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Manipulation, Mental Abuse, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-17 01:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11265120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashDog/pseuds/TrashDog
Summary: When you're so used to caring and emotionally providing for someone else you often lose sight of who you are and what you want for yourself. Changkyun, forced from the relationship he carried on his own shoulders, now seeks to reclaim his individuality and rebuild a life for himself.





	Save Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for a group I'm a part of on Tumblr. Pick a song and write a fic.  
> I chose Save Myself by Ed Sheeran  
> Enjoy! :)

Changkyun rolled back to his side of the bed, panting and chasing after his breath. He looked back towards you, sweat gleaming off your skin almost glittering in the moonlight shining through the open window. It was sweltering in the middle of July. Too hot to function but Changkyun would never pass up makeup sex. He felt really guilty that y/n had been home all day with the broken ac unit while he was at work. When he had returned home to your shared apartment you ripped into him about not calling someone earlier while you basically melted from the heat. 

"I'm sorry baby, I had no idea or else you know I would have taken care of it immediately. Did you try calling anyone from the HVAC place?"  
"No, obviously not. That's your job. I haven't had the time to do much of anything all day since I was practically dying of heat exhaustion!" You huffed at him.  
"Ah, you're right. I'm so sorry. I'll call someone in the tomorrow and get it fixed as soon as possible, okay?"  
You took a deep breath, content. "You had better, or I'm leaving."  
"No, please! Listen, I'll send the company an email right now then wake up first thing in the morning and call so they get my message either way, okay? Everything will be fine y/n, I promise." Changkyun waited for your answer while he fidgeted nervously. The tension was growing too much and he felt like bargaining anything just to have you calm down.  
"Fine, but you're still going to have to make this up to me." You turned to face him and gave him a look he knew all too well.  
"Whatever you need baby, let me make it better." 

You looked so beautiful under the moonlight. The room was painted blue from the softness of it caressing every surface unhidden from shadow. Changkyun had hoped this would quell the fire in your heart from him letting you down, again. He wanted to make everything better for not taking care of you like he should have been.  
Checking the AC unit before he walked out the door in the first place had been on the back of his mind but he didn't think to actually look. He had been running late anyway trying to clean up the house so you could relax comfortably while he was gone. You had both been together for almost three years now and he knew that as long as you were happy, you both were. 

He tried pulling you into him so you could fall asleep together, wrapped up and safe; but you pushed him away and grunted, "too hot."  
You flipped to your side facing away from him and remained silent. 

That following morning Changkyun woke up early to contact someone that could come out and work on the cooling unit. It was only a small dent in everything he had planned today, though he knew he could work through it with little issues.  
Today was the third anniversary of your relationship together and Changkyun had taken off work for the entire day to spend it with you. He excited himself thinking about holding your hand and going to your favorite places, eating the most delicious food, and spending the day reconnecting with one another. He started the day off with making you breakfast.  
Changkyun was waiting for the food to finish cooking as he set the table. You stepped into the dining room after just waking up, puzzled.  
"What are you doing?" 

"Y/n! I hope you're hungry because I'm cooking us a huge breakfast." 

You stood where you were and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. "Changkyun...", you sighed. 

"Yes?" He beamed up at you while setting the last fork down next to an empty plate. 

"We have to talk." You wore a blank expression and withheld any emotion you may be feeling. 

"Oh? You aren't still mad about yesterday, are you?" Changkyun's heart began to race as he felt stress building in his head. He started to walk back towards the kitchen to tend to the food cooking on the stove as he continued. "I called the guy to come out before you woke up, so he should be here at some point in the afternoon. Plus, I've got a plan to completely make up for it by the end of-" 

"Changkyun", you interrupted, "we need to break up." 

He stopped where he was, back turned to you, and stood there while he processed what you had just said.  
"What?" His voice cracked and he slowly spun around to face you. 

"I can't do this anymore Changkyun." 

You were being incredibly vague, so Changkyun was having a really hard time understanding.  
"But... y/n it's our anniversary... did I do something wrong?" He began to fidget, his fingers searching for anything to relieve the anxiety creeping into his chest. 

"No... I-… yes. This just isn't enough for me. I don't know how to make this work and I shouldn't have to. It just... should." You threw your hands up and let them fall hard. You didn't want to continue the conversation any longer. 

"Y/n, whatever it is we can work on it and I can fix it. You just have to tell me-" Changkyun began to beg, he didn't want it to end like this. Especially not today. 

"It's done, Changkyun. I'm done."  
You turned to walk away and locked yourself in the bedroom. Changkyun wanted to fight so badly, but a bigger part of him felt defeated. He didn't know what went wrong. You were both so happy.  
The fire alarm began to sound off. 

Changkyun woke up in a sweat. He had been having the same nightmare for two weeks now, and was awakened each time by the alarm sounding off in his mind. The piercing shrill of it burned like a metaphor into his memory.  
It was dawn, so he decided to recollect himself with a shower and head downstairs to make himself a cup of coffee to get his day started. He bounced down to the bottom step to see his mother at the kitchen table having breakfast. He had come to live with her again after the breakup since Changkyun let y/n stay in their apartment. A choice he was scolded by his mother for, since in her opinion they decided to leave the relationship so they should be the one to actually leave and not Changkyun. Still, she welcomed him home with open arms and warm meals every night. She was happy to have him back. 

"Good morning! How are you feeling today?" She also took the time to check up on his recovery. His mother knew how hard of a breakup this had been for Changkyun, and she wanted to make sure that he was taking the right steps to come out of it okay. 

He walked over towards the coffee maker and prepared a brew for himself. "Had the nightmare again." 

His mother looked him up and down, his disheveled appearance causing her body language to slump too.  
"You take all the time you need to recover dear. I know how much they meant to you, and no amount of time taken to get past this makes you any less of what you are." 

"I know mom, thanks." 

After the brew was finished Changkyun silently filled his cup and shuffled back upstairs to his room.  
He had been doing nothing but lay in bed since being back with his mother the past week. The week before was filled with awkward co-habitation with you. Even now, though, all that filled his head was y/n. He couldn't shake it, he didn't know what to do. He had gone through all the emotional stages but was still a heavy mix of angry and hopeless. Though he felt he was lucky enough to still have his mother in his life, during Changkyun's relationship he had lost ties with all his friends and most family members. He was completely alone in the world because of y/n since you wanted him all to yourself constantly. Any attention you were stripped of sent you into emotional turmoil.  
Changkyun knew he had to break out of the shell he had put himself into. He sat down at his computer and pulled up a local classified ad to make his first step: get a new job. There was no real use thinking about the past anymore and he knew he needed to move forward. It was worth it to distract himself, he thought.  
He had finished applying for a grocery store and a pastry shop before seeing an offer that actually pulled his attention. He had never thought about working in a book store before, but he imagined it being peaceful and positive. That's what you needed to recover with, right? So he filled in for the shop called Blue Moon Books, and anxiously awaited a possible phone call. 

Two days later Changkyun's mom visited him while he lay in his bed moping. It was morning and there had been no phone call from any job he applied for thus far, and he was trying his best to remain patient. The only problem was that he felt incredibly lonely, and sitting with his thoughts to himself wasn't the best right now. He'd stare into the ceiling and think about those nights where he and y/n would sink into each other on the living room couch. You would fight with him over what to watch and tell him what he liked to watch was stupid, but Changkyun could only see the glow of the television illuminating the beautiful features of her face as she offered only an annoyed expression at him. Anything you wanted to make you happy, he would provide for you. 

"Honey, can I come in?" He heard a quiet rasping outside his door, his mother had come home from her late night shift. 

"Sure thing, mom." He sat up to make room for her on his bed as she took a seat next to him. 

"I really want to talk to you about all of this that's been going on with you lately. It's been almost 3 weeks now, and I don't want to press but I think it'd be good for you to talk about this. You've been kinda mopey lately and I thought we were making good progress. I don't want you to get discouraged though, you can have set backs. I'm just... I'm just worried about you sweetie." She fidgeted with her hands, nervous. Clearly she was uncomfortable pushing Changkyun when she wasn't sure if he was ready yet.  
Changkyun looked to his feet and stared silently into space for a while. He actually wasn't sure if he was ready to face the reality - at least talking about it made what happened seem more real than it should anyway. His mother was right though, it was time to talk about it and there was no one better than her. 

"I just... I don't know where to start mom." He couldn't look at her or he knew he'd start crying. "I just don't know what happened, ah." His voice began to crack. "We got in a little fight about the AC unit, and I took care of everything but then this still happened." He circled with his hands to make a visual representation of, 'all this', then let them fall as he felt completely defeated. 

"Changkyun, if you can walk through what did happen that day with me, please. I want to understand just like you do." She reached over and rubbed his back in a figure eight motion to try and get him to relax. 

He let out a deep sigh and squeezed his temple between his fingers. His mother was all he had left in the world. She had let him live there again with her, so it seemed only fair to let her hear what her son had gone through.  
"I don't know mom, it was mostly a lot of confusion. I came home that night from work and y/n hadn't spoken to me all day. I didn't bother them, felt they needed some space you know, and I was fine with that. The second I walked through the door though, they absolutely blew up on me. It was like a bomb went off. Screaming incoherent sentences, I just wanted them to calm down so I could fix whatever was wrong. They finally brought it down enough to tell me the air conditioner had been broken all day with them in the apartment basically melting, and they were upset that I hadn't done anything about it." 

Changkyun's mother nodded. "Did you know about it before coming home?" 

"Well... no, but I just felt so bad for them and I understand why they were mad but...." Changkyun began to fidget with his hands then when his mother continued talking. 

"You shouldn't feel bad for them being a lazy piece of shit." 

"Mom!" He had never heard her curse before. 

"I'm sorry hun, I just don't think that was handled right at all. On their end, anyway." 

"Well, they broke up with me the next day anyway so it doesn't matter anymore." He felt himself growing distant when this discussion became uncomfortable. His mother was protective of him, and obviously held a grudge for y/n isolating her only son from everyone else in the world.  
Just then Changkyun's phone began to ring, and to his joy interrupted their conversation.  
"Hello?" 

"Hello! I'm calling for a... Changkyun?" 

"Yes, speaking." 

"Hey! My name is Shownu, I'm calling from Blue Moon Books about your application? I've just finished reviewing it and was wondering when you might be available for an interview?" 

Changkyun had to recover his heart from his stomach after hearing his quick speech. "Y-yes! When would be best for you? I'm free all this week actually." 

"Great! Come by the shop around 2pm today and we can get you all set up!" 

"I'll be there, thank you so much!"  
The call ended and Changkyun looked back to his mother who was giving him a confused expression.  
"Mom, I have an interview with that book store I was telling you about." He almost couldn't believe the words that spilled from his mouth. It didn't exactly seem like that big of a deal, but he was proud of himself for taking some first few steps at getting his life back up and going. 

"That's great! Well, go get washed up for it I won't keep you!" His mother rushed out of the room, all smiles. 

Main-street was busy and bustling. The smell of fresh bread hung in the air from the bakery Changkyun walked past, he was almost tempted to go in but he had his mind focused on meeting Shownu. It was a beautiful, bright day and he felt more confident than usual about his budding opportunity.  
Changkyun arrived at the shop twenty minutes before his interview since wanted to look around for a bit and see how he felt about the atmosphere of the store. He was able to walk there because it was only a few minutes away from his mother's home settled on a calmer street section in the city, down further from the claustrophobic feeling the beginning of main street held. The building, marked with large blue lettering that of course read 'Blue Moon Books', had single pane front windows with book displays and popular character models in an attempt to draw in curious eyes.  
As soon as he walked in the aroma of pressed espresso had washed over his senses. It was rather quiet in the store aside from the barista preparing coffee with quick hands. He was a tall, brilliantly tanned man with golden blonde hair pulled into a short pony tail. His gaze was fixated on his task and one could tell he held a certain passion for the job he performed.  
The store itself was impressively organized with volumes upon volumes of whatever genre one would be in the mood for. Mystery, drama, comedy, love, it was all here and categorized by the genre itself, then by the author. Two more men stood at the counter as Changkyun continued deeper into the store. One with a rounded face and eyes that held their own kind of smile, he looked genuine. He was speaking with a larger, broad shouldered man whom Changkyun assumed must be the manager, Shownu, that he spoke on the phone with. He carried himself high and looked to be giving direction. The first man looked to Changkyun and broke their conversation.  
"Is there anything I can help you with sir?" He leaned on the counter, propped up by his elbows. 

"Yes, actually. I'm here for an interview." Changkyun straightened his back out and tried his best to look what he felt was professional. 

As if it were rehearsed the man presumed to be Shownu stepped forward with a large smile. "That would be me! And you would be Changkyun? It's a pleasure to meet you." 

"Likewise, sir." Changkyun felt incredibly at ease then, even though he was speaking with an employer. He felt good about this. Shownu stepped from behind the counter to extend his hand in greeting.  
Changkyun took this opportunity to look him over and was slightly amused by his visage.  
Shownu looked like someone that should be at the gym right now or at a fighting match proving his own strength. Instead, this hulking mass was managing a quiet book shop on main street. Nothing wrong with that, of course, Changkyun thought to himself. Rather amusing in the simplest means. It was humbling if nothing else. 

"Let's take a walk around while you tell me about yourself." Shownu placed a gentle hand on Changkyun's shoulder as the two of them began to walk the shop together. 

"I've never seen a shop so spacious yet so filled before." Changkyun marveled. He had hoped that didn't come out as an attempt of flattery. Maybe he was nervous after all. 

"Tell me, why do you want this job?" Shownu kept his eyes forward, listening intently. 

Right to it, then. "Well, truthfully sir... I just got through a pretty rough breakup... and I’m looking for something not so stressful and where I can grow into myself again. Just... I guess something to focus on." He had hoped it wasn't painfully obvious that he had rehearsed that line over and over on his way to the shop that day. Even though he did hesitate a few times. 

Shownu was mostly quiet, they had stopped walking while Changkyun awaited a response.  
"Well Changkyun, we are a small family here. I'll be straight forward with you, I need an extra hand with the register and with organization. Business is really picking up and I need more people at the counter than just one person. I've been through the other interviews today and you're the first that has been pretty laid back instead of attempting to flatter me with business speak and talking out their ass the whole time. Plus, if you're going through a tough time who am I to turn down someone looking to bring purpose and structure back to their life?" He paused, cleared his throat, and extended his hand towards Changkyun. "If you can start tomorrow, the job is yours." 

"I'll even start today if you need me to." 

Shownu chuckled at his response. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, kid. Just go rest up and be here tomorrow by 8am." 

"Absolutely! Thank you so much." Changkyun, ecstatic, ran out the door to go prepare and tell his mother the good news. Main street had died down by this point, so he decided to burst into a full on sprint back up the walkway. He hadn't felt this excited in weeks. 

"I'm so happy for you!" His mother was almost squealing with her own excitement. "Oh, this is going to be so good for you, I know you're going to love it. Read too while you're there, okay? You used to love reading so much." She cooed. 

"I will, mom." 

The next morning, Changkyun tossed himself awake reacting to the loud screams of fire alarms, again. He lifted himself out of bed, covered in sweat, looking around for any sign of the blaze. Nothing.  
"Dammit." He sighed to himself. 

He wasn't sure how long the nightmares would last, but at least today they woke him in time to get ready for his first day at work. He showered then ran downstairs after getting dressed to find his mother standing near the dinner table. She had a cup of coffee for him and the biggest smile he's ever seen her wear. He walked over and embraced her tight. 

She rubbed his back and said, "this is going to be good for you, like I said. A new fresh start. You're such a strong person Changkyun, I know you'll get where you need to be. And I'm always here for you. Remember this."  
He thanked her and headed out towards the shop. 

Walking in he saw the man at the counter from yesterday, greeting him with a warm smile.  
"I didn't get a chance to introduce myself since you ran out so fast yesterday. I’m Jooheon."  
Jooheon held his hand out to formally greet Changkyun. 

"Right, sorry about that. I'm Changkyun." He returned the gesture. "It's nice to meet you!" 

Jooheon giggled. "You don't have to be super formal here, we're all like a family anyway. So, to kick things off let me run down what you'll be doing." 

Jooheon walked Changkyun around the sales floor, front counter, then the back room telling him how to use the register and check inventory.  
"Customers can order books through us too if we don't have exactly what they're looking for in stock." Jooheon explained while showing him the public kiosk set up for people to use freely on the sales floor.  
"So", Jooheon turned to face Changkyun, "since I'm finished with the basics why don’t you tell me a little about yourself? I can only eavesdrop so much, you know." 

Changkyun thought for a second before answering.  
"There's not much to tell, truthfully." He shrugged. "I'm just pretty much looking to find myself. Like, who I am and what I want essentially. I figured this would be something new and relaxing for me." 

"Bad breakup?" Jooheon interjected. 

"W-what?" Changkyun felt embarrassed. 

"Shownu mentioned it, but I won't bring it up if it's still sensitive. So don’t sweat over it." 

"Heh, I'm sure I'll talk about it soon, it's only just been about a month anyway – probably less. I'm trying not to keep track." Changkyun rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, trying to show he was uncomfortable without really saying it. 

"Relax, man. You're going to like it here just fine." 

A man walked up to them as they stood at the counter talking. Jooheon greeted him first, likely demonstrating what was expected of Changkyun. 

"What can we help you with?" Jooheon flashed that brilliant smile of his. 

"Mmm, well..." The man was shorter than the both of them and looked rather timid while he gathered his thoughts. Though, Changkyun caught himself thinking only about how adorable he is. He had black strands of hair cascade down his forehead in protest against the gel that was supposed to hold it back and wore ripped jeans with a tight fitted t-shirt around his small body. "I was wondering if either of you had any good recommendations? I'm usually a pretty avid reader but I love seeing what other people pick up so I can try it too." 

Changkyun realized that Jooheon was staring at him, waiting for him to take this opportunity for himself. Surely for the job experience only.  
"I... um... well..." The man stared intently at Changkyun, waiting for his answer. Changkyun released the air he held captive in his lungs as a deep sigh. "I actually haven't been able to read much lately... and I just started here so I'm sorry that I can't be of much help." 

The man began to quietly giggle. "I appreciate the honesty, darling." He beamed up at Changkyun. 

"How about..." he pulled a pen and paper from his bag, "you get a recommendation from me, instead, and the next time I see you we can talk about it." 

He smiled big as he handed over the paper, offered a quick wave, then turned and almost bounced his way out the door. Changkyun felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find Jooheon very amused.  
"You know you cant fall in love with every customer that comes in right? You might want to calm down a bit before someone thinks you were sitting in the sun too long. Your face is so red!" He teased and Changkyun hid his face behind his hand and with the other passed the paper to Jooheon. 

"Do we have this in stock?" 

Jooheon busted out laughing "I don't know if we have a book titled 'Kihyun' with a kissy face, or maybe that's the author? Oh but see here... the other line, that must be the book title we can look up. Just another thing I can show you, come on." 

Another week had passed since Changkyun first started at Blue Moon Books. He and Jooheon were becoming close friends quickly and he had learned a lot from him about different novels that had become popular over the past couple of years. He felt he missed out on so much. Though the one book he was most invested in was the one recommended to him by the man he met his first day there. Changkyun had finished reading it and was waiting around to see him walk through the front door so they could talk about it, but each day came and went without seeing his face. 

"He'll come in eventually man, it's only been a week anyway. That's not the first time I've seen him come in." Jooheon gave Changkyun a rough pat on the back "Besides, with the way you're so worked up over it this is probably good for you anyway. Didn't you just come out of a long term relationship?" 

"Yeah...", Changkyun sighed, "you're right, and.... I don’t know I guess I'm just a little lonely is all. Three years is a long time with someone. Not to mention I haven't even thought of the possibility of being with someone new? And he's just so cute I...." 

"How did that end anyway? If... you don't mind me asking." Jooheon was a bit uneasy asking this question. He knew it could be sensitive. 

Changkyun gave in, though, and told him everything about y/n that had happened in those last two days they were together. 

"And I'm not sure if I have the right to be angry you know? A big part of me is, but I have no one to blame but myself anyway." 

Jooheon stood where he was and held his concerned expression for a while, thinking, before finally speaking.  
"Dude, you do realize this person was using you, right?" 

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Changkyun certainly wasn't expecting those words from him. 

"You were in an emotionally manipulative relationship with them. They used you for everything. Tell me, didn't you say when you first got here that you were trying to find yourself? Why do you that is, exactly?" 

"I mean I...", Changkyun hadn't thought of the reason, honestly. He just knew he wasn't himself. "I had to care for them you know? And... in doing that I kind of lost sight of who I was or what I wanted." Yeah, that sounded about right. "That's just natural though, I did what I needed to-" 

"Changkyun, come on man. That’s not normal. Y/n is an adult, and they should be able to handle themselves and their own life. Listen, the cooling unit is a thing that happens, not someone asking you to take the responsibility for their every mishap or emotion for three whole years. That a lot of shit to carry on your shoulders." 

Changkyun was silent, unsure of what to say exactly. He was starting to think that maybe Jooheon was right, and that he did deserve better than what happened between them. But then he wondered how you un-do three years of all that combined.  
Jooheon could tell he was troubled.  
"I didn't mean to make you feel negatively at all, nothing you did was wrong and you didn't deserve what happened. I hope you know that... I want you to know that. You're a good person, Changkyun. Karma will do wonders, just watch." 

Changkyun offered a small smile.  
"Thank you Jooheon" 

"Don’t sweat it, let's get back to work and get our mind off this, yeah?" 

Changkyun went about his day organizing shelves, doing inventory for a new books, and selling merchandise. They were getting close to locking the doors when one last customer ran up.  
"I'll be quick, I promise!" 

Jooheon let them inside and then ran over to Changkyun. 

"Um, you'll want to be ready at the counter for this." He was smiling big... too big. 

"What?" 

"Just go!" Jooheon pushed him towards the register.  
Changkyun watched as the customer darted in-between shelf after shelf, like they had been here a hundred times. They gently pulled each selection from their place, giving them a once over before finally picking two and walking briskly towards the counter where Jooheon and Changkyun stood waiting. Changkyun then recognized him as he approached. Kihyun. 

"Oh! I've been waiting for you to come back around! I finished that book you recommended." 

"Oh, yeah?" A flash of red crept in his cheeks and he broke eye contact. "You know I realized how dumb I was for not even giving you my name before. I'm Kihyun." He was half looking to the side, half looking at Changkyun's chin. He wondered why Kihyun seemed embarrassed. 

"Ah", Changkyun rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "yeah, I saw on your note actually. I'm Changkyun." 

Kihyun slid the books he picked onto the counter and took a breath. "Um, would you like to hang out with me sometime? We can... talk about that book." His face was even more red now, changing hue by the minute it seemed. 

Changkyun, frozen with the product scanner in his hand, was shocked at the sudden invitation. He felt Jooheon lightly pinch his arm in encouragement.  
"Yeah, that sounds great actually. I know of this arcade in town we can go to, if you'd be interested in something like that?" 

"Are you kidding?!" Kihyun seemed excited at the suggestion. "I love arcades! I didn't even know there was one in town. Are you free tomorrow?" 

He was practically bouncing on the soles of his feet awaiting Changkyun's response.  
"He is!" Jooheon answered for him, but Changkyun was confused. He wasn't free tomorrow, he had to work. 

"Great! We can meet up around noon then. How much do I owe you guys?" He stood waiting, wallet in hand, and the most lovely smile painted on his mouth. 

Changkyun cleared his throat. He was trying so hard not to feel awkward, but he couldn't help it.  
"It's fifteen seventy-nine." 

Kihyun paid for his new books and handed Changkyun a slip of paper. "Feel free to text me whenever. See you tomorrow!" 

The moment the door closed behind Kihyun, Jooheon turned to place his hands on Changkyun's shoulders.  
"Dude, relax. You two are just hanging out, and I'm gonna cover your shift. Besides, you've been working every single day so you could use a good break." 

"You're right." Changkyun exhaled. "Thanks, man." 

"Just because you think he's cute doesn’t mean you have to add pressure to this, you know."  
Jooheon walked to the backroom laughing before Changkyun, mouth agape, could protest. 

That night back home, before going to bed Changkyun decided he would try and text Kihyun to start conversation and hopefully make himself feel less anxious about them hanging out tomorrow. He sat on the edge of his bed writing, deleting, and then rewriting text after text before finally gathering the courage to send him something. Just before hitting send Changkyun's phone began to vibrate as it received a call.  
He hadn't recognized the number at first, but after answering and hearing the voice on the other line his heart dropped into his gut. 

"Changkyunniieee!" Y/n was basically purring his name on the other end. 

He didn't answer right away.  
"Did you miss me? Hmm? I-I miss-d you by like... just a lil bit ya know." 

"Y/n are you drunk right now? What do you want."  
His shock transgressed into a slow burning infuriation. 

"I dunno I just wan-ne-ted to hear your voice, maybe? And no! Sill-by, I only drank a lil cup. I'm fiiinne. You're acting like we barely know-" 

"You told me to leave you alone, and I respected your wishes. So this is me, asking you to respect mine and return the favor." 

Changkyun hung up and tried to recollect himself. Where in the hell did they get off thinking they could just call like that? He looked back down to his phone to see three new messages.  
The first two:  
UNKNOWN (11:28 PM): YOU THIBNK YOU CANA JUST HANG UP ON ME HWEN IM SPEAKING TO YOU?? FUCK YOU  
UNKNOWN (11:34 PM): ok im sorry haha im jst kidding call me 

"Ugh." Changkyun was hoping this wouldn't begin to be a thing, and would remain a one-time occurrence.  
Then he checked the third message:  
KIHYUN (11:07 PM): Hey!~ I'm looking forward to our hang out tomorrow. Be ready to bring your competition on! >:D  
That text alone removed the bitter feeling from his heart. He was moving on. 

Changkyun arrived at the arcade far too early. It was just now eleven when they had agreed to meet around noon. Yet, here he was, eagerly waiting for Kihyun to show. Not too long after he had made it there, his phone began to ring. As he looked down to see the caller ID it lit up as the number y/n had called him from the previous night. Against his better judgement, he answered.  
"Hello." 

"Oh! Changkyun! Thank god, listen... you've got to help me." Y/n sounded panicked and was breathing heavy. 

"With?" He couldn't believe this. 

"My boyfriend he uh... kicked me out. I have nowhere to go." They seemed to be on the verge of tears, or at least that's what the acting came off as. 

"And how is that my problem." He forced a stern tone in his voice, he wasn't interested in helping them whatsoever. 

"Well, that's rude... but, we got into a fight and he told me to get out. Long story short. So I went out for a few drinks until he calmed down but when I came back the door was locked." 

"Wait, wait. Where were you staying?" 

The other end stayed silent. "Y/n!" He tried pushing. 

"Uh-I... our apartment?" 

"Are you serious right now? This is some major irony, isn't it?"  
Changkyun was kicked from his own apartment from the person who decided to end their relationship, and now the same was happening to them. Jooheon was definitely right about karma, and it came bearing teeth. 

"Changkyun you're being really mean." He could almost hear that stupid pout through the whining. "I need help and you're just going to critici-" 

"You're damn right I'm going to criticize you. You think that you'd just call me up, so sure that I'm still wrapped around your fucking finger and that I'll just drop everything that I'm doing just to coddle you. Well, you ensured that will never happen again, and I gotta say y/n... I thank you for it." 

"What are you even fucking talking about?" 

"Ah, there's the snake." Changkyun looked up to see Kihyun waving and towards him. "I've got to go. Don't call me again, and find someone else to leech off of. It sounds like your new toy isn't so easily swayed anyway. Good luck." 

He turned his phone off and shoved it inside of his pocket. Changkyun felt immensely proud of himself in this moment. He did something he never in a million year dreamed that he would, and he had never felt more free. 

"What are you all smiley about, huh?" Kihyun pushed Changkyun's arm in a playful manner. 

"Just... I dropped something from my life and I feel a lot better. Let's go inside?" 

"Oh! Yes please!" 

They stepped inside and Kihyun began to marvel at everything he saw.  
"Oh, my god! It's video game heaven!" 

"Well, that is kinda the point." Changkyun teased. 

"Tsk, I told you that I've never been here before. Let my inner child have a sugar rush, will you?"  
Kihyun giggled and picked out games for them to play together. Changkyun felt they were there for days with how much fun he was having.  
Kihyun demolished him at racing games, but Changkyun had the upper hand with shooters. He felt as if the world, including the past and future, melted away. It was only him and Kihyun genuinely enjoying each other and having fun. Nothing else mattered, and that's when Changkyun thought to himself that nothing else would. 

"Kihyun?" His stomach knotted up into ways he didn't think were possible. 

"Yes?" 

"Thank you for today." 

"Oh, you're welcome! But... what do you mean, what for?" He was beaming from ear to hear. His smile lit up his whole face. Curious, but happy still. 

"It's just.." Changkyun stammered, "I don't feel any pressure being around you. Like... I'm not walking on egg shells, you know? I just... thank you." He was having a hard time maintaining eye contact. There was something he had to get off his chest. 

For a moment Kihyun was confused, but slowly seemed to gather Changkyun's meaning and let it go. "Like I said dear, you're very welcome. I'm having a lot of fun too!" 

They stood in awkward silence for a short while before Kihyun pressed. "Shall we play more, or...?" 

Changkyun exhaled hard, and took a step towards Kihyun.  
"Kihyun can I..." He couldn't bring himself to look up, but he heard Kihyun grant him a small giggle. 

"Why are you acting so silly?" 

"Can I kiss you?" He felt like he had been punched in the gut, but for some reason it was more satisfying than painful. 

"I..." 

Changkyun finally looked up to find Kihyun with a surprisingly relaxed expression, searching for something to say. As he gave a slow nod time stopped for Changkyun. He gently reached forward and cupped Kihyun's cheek in his palm, then drew him close to kiss him deep. He felt Kihyun's little fingers tighten around his biceps as if to brace himself, and his lips were outrageously soft. They tasted of strawberries and that was something Changkyun knew he would never forget. Kissing Kihyun felt just right, like they were designed for each other. Then, Kihyun pulled away. 

"I just... I had to know." Changkyun confessed. "I felt something and... I don't know, kissing you sounded like a way to solidify that." He nervously rubbed his arm, unsure of what Kihyun was feeling. 

"Changkyun I..." He looked conflicted, like he held his own secret. The tiny child in him that was just running around the arcade, hiding. 

"If... if this is to become something... more..." He was having a tough time searching for the words again it seemed. He had hoped that Kihyun knew he could trust him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. 

"Changkyun I wasn't born... how you see me now. I need to know you're comfortable with who I am. I was... born a female, not as me. Not as... Kihyun." 

Changkyun's heart swelled.  
"You're Kihyun to me. You are who you say you are, and to me? You are Kihyun, the boy I met a week ago that has made me develop the biggest, most horrendous crush on." 

Kihyun couldn't help but laugh. 

"And I'm scared as hell but... I want to know all of you. I mean you." 

Kihyun shoved himself into Changkyun's embrace then.  
"We'll both grow into ourselves. You can learn to trust me, and I can do the same for you."  
He lifted his chin up and placed small, wet kisses along Changkyun's jaw line.  
Standing on the tips of his toes Kihyun whispered into Changkyun's ear, "We learned how to save ourselves."


End file.
